The next day, Monday, Goldwater and Cruze filed suit in California to initiate a Class Action against Susan Nicole “Suzze” Osmond [née Gilmore], the estate of Joel Richard Osmond, and Camels in a Haystack Incorporated aka “Prosperity Cathedral” in the amount of $450,000,000.00, alleging fraud, deception and misappropriation of funds, on behalf of yet-to-be-named defendants.

With the class action filing against Prosperity Cathedral, et al., Goldwater and Cruze were once again in the news. Goldwater and Cruze, LLC had risen to prominence a few months earlier as a result of the Fortney case.

Gregory and Jillian Fortney were both doctoral candidates doing research in linguistics. When they were blessed with twins, a boy and a girl who they named Drake and Ashley, they decided to test their theories that words were merely symbols with no evolutionary significance. They did this by teaching the twins words that were opposite from their accepted meanings, right was left, up was down, black was white and so on. To control the experiment, they homeschooled the twins and created computer programs to teach them their new language. The twins developed normally and were claimed to have exceptionally high IQ’s (The parents adapted the tests to reflect the differences in vocabulary)

All was well until the Fortneys decided it was time to integrate the children into society at the age of ten. After a few weeks in public school, Drake stabbed his teacher in the eye with a fork, inflicting permanent but not fatal brain damage. The same day, Ashley ran in front of a car and was killed. It was not determined if this was suicide on her part or if she naturally but mistakenly looked in the wrong direction before crossing the road.

For their defense, The Fortneys argued that they were merely teaching their children a new way of thinking, which they, as parents, had every right to do.

Public opinion and massive news coverage was so strongly against them that they were convicted of criminal child abuse, which the press dubbed “brainwashing.” Both were sentenced to life plus terms, appropriate since they were obviously “monsters,” a case, once again, of science gone horribly wrong.

Referencing the prior research of Zimbalist and Taylor which defined brainwashing as "the process by which individual or collective freedom of choice and action is compromised by agents or agencies that modify or distort perception, motivation, affect, cognition and/or behavioral outcomes in an effort to bring about religious complacency or conversion,” Emilio Cruze saw an opportunity, now that there was a precedent for brainwashing as a crime, or at least as an actionable civil offense, and proceeded to go after what he and Leonard Goldwater called “the biggest brainwashers on earth,” religion, initially soliciting disgruntled former members of mid-sized, independent churches who were without the resources to mount a defense, and who found it better to settle than proceed to court -- as they staffed up for the grand prize.

With their lead, it was game on, the mere fact that Goldwater & Cruze were suing, and getting copious news coverage being the impetus of more suits, each adding to the credibility of the other in a self-perpetuating, self-fulfilling cycle.

Everyone from established firms to store-front ambulance chasers switched from years of social security disability and Mesothelioma claims to the Big Kahuna himself, or at least to his negligent lieutenants, pastors, preachers, nuns and priests, as well as family members, well intentioned or not.

#end

Have you or your children been approached by a Christian, at work, at home, in the park or a shopping mall, trying to recruit you into their morally corrupt and deviant lifestyle?

Were you overwhelmed with promises of happiness, health or financial independence?

Did you give them money, only to see those claims and offers fail to materialize?

You may be eligible for damages, for medical expenses, psychiatric evaluation and family counseling to help you and your loved ones recover.

Currently, there is no cure for Christianity.

But there is help.

Contact the Law offices of Goldwater and Cruze today.
It's time to make them pay.

#end

Taking their marketing strategy to the next level, Goldwater and Cruze segmented what was becoming known as the Dis-Xy demographic (disenfranchised exceptional youth) with a message that encompassed all three major religions in the United States.

Billboards were copy-tested in selected markets and targeted high-education, low-income males 18-34, who were deemed to be the most aggressive of their cohort and most inventive in their ability to bilk the system.

The copy on the billboards read: Have You Been Sexually Mutilated by a Christian, a Muslim, or a Jew?

Beneath that was an 800 number and the web address, www.goldwaterandcruze.com/foreskin.

Two images had been tested.

The first was a cucumber with the end cut off.

The second was the same shot of the sliced cucumber, but with a Wüsthof paring knife in frame.

The image with the knife tested 88% more effective than the image of the cucumber alone, a clear winner and the shot they ran with.

Jewish pediatricians were initially targeted, with a seemingly unlimited supply of “non-practicing” unemployed former Jewish men eager to cash in.

The response rate was wholly unanticipated, and compelled Goldwater and Cruze to add 47 more attorneys in offices throughout the United States.

#end

[Leonard Goldwater stands, dark suit, arms crossed, against a seamless white background. His expression is somber. The camera cuts to a head and shoulders shot. He stares into the camera with certainty and speaks, pausing for emphasis between each phrase.]

Goldwater:

It’s over.

He’s not coming back.

He never was … and recent developments at the Vatican prove it once and for all.

[Goldwater strikes a pensive mood, hand on chin, thinking]

Goldwater:

Maybe it’s time you told them something.

Maybe it’s time you told them you want your money back.

Not just the swindlers in Rome, not just the nuns and priests and pedophiles and debauchers of the Catholic church – but all of them.

All the Baptists and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and the holy rollers and the whole disgusting bunch.

[Goldwater wags his finger to assert his point]

Goldwater:

Remember, they came to you.

They got you hooked.

They took your money and promised you Jesus in – the – flesh.

[Goldwater nods his head in agreement with himself]

Goldwater:

Well fraud is still fraud.

And victims have rights.

[Goldwater points directly into the camera]

Goldwater:

So stop what you’re doing – right now – and call your preacher and tell him you want your money back. All of it.

Then call the law offices of Goldwater and Cruze.

[Goldwater gives a self-assured nod]

Goldwater:

Goldwater and Cruze. Cause he’s not coming back.

#end